Me vs. the Internet
All right gentlemen, I know we've been on Priority One for the past forty-eight hours and we could all use more than a little shut-eye, but something's just come up that could have a profound effect on the outcome of this conflict.
Mary, the projector please.
Thank you.
At oh-eight-hundred hours a flight element from the 448th light bomber wing determined that the phrase "foodgoesinhere," when entered in Google, does not bring up our site as the first match. Instead, it directs to a Livejournal. A secondary flyby by one of our U-2s verified this finding twenty minutes ago. You can see some of our recon photos here. Major targets are indicated in red.
Gentlemen, I don't need to impress upon you the dire ramifications this could have. It is of the utmost strategic importance that "foodgoesinhere" Google searches direct to this site and only to this site. If a third party co-opts our dominance in this sphere, it could spill over into the wider Internet. There'd be outright panic, even open war. And none of us wants that. God knows none of us wants that.
I've been directed by Strategic Air Command to move us to Stage Three alert; all nuclear flight assets are to be primed and ready to go within fifteen minutes. As part of SAC's first strike group, we must be within enemy airspace with half an hour.
What's that Magilicutty?
Yes, we have Presidential authorization. Came over the horn at 0900. We're hot and authorized to launch following final confirmation.
Come again?
Yes, yes we're sure. We wouldn't be here by God if we weren't sure. Not a man here wanted this day to come, but it has. For the sakes of our children and our children's children, we can't affored to fail today. Ask yourselves: what kind of world do you want your boys and girls back home to grow up in? One where they speak Blogspotan, or Livejournalese? There's not really any choice here, gentlemen.
Anything else?
Go ahead, Lieutenant Carlisle.
No, as far we as we know, there's been no actual nuclear exchange or shots fired in anger at this point. All units will proceed to the fail safe point. If final authorization for go-ahead is not received, we'll turn right around.
Listen, we all hope we don't have to go through with it. This is the gravest responsibility any group of human beings has ever faced. But let me be frank gentlemen: it's not looking good. The President is going to be facing a lot of pressure from a lot of different directions to push the button. And when...if he does, we have to be ready to do our duty.
Our nation, and our people, expect no less of us. We've drilled this scenario a thousand times before. You're all well-trained, and you know what needs to be done. I have absolute faith in your abilities, come what may. May God be with us all, and if it is His will that we go to war today, may He in His infinite wisdom and power grant us swift victory.
Good hunting.
The lights please, Mary.
All right gentlemen, I know we've been on Priority One for the past forty-eight hours and we could all use more than a little shut-eye, but something's just come up that could have a profound effect on the outcome of this conflict.
Mary, the projector please.
Thank you.
At oh-eight-hundred hours a flight element from the 448th light bomber wing determined that the phrase "foodgoesinhere," when entered in Google, does not bring up our site as the first match. Instead, it directs to a Livejournal. A secondary flyby by one of our U-2s verified this finding twenty minutes ago. You can see some of our recon photos here. Major targets are indicated in red.
Gentlemen, I don't need to impress upon you the dire ramifications this could have. It is of the utmost strategic importance that "foodgoesinhere" Google searches direct to this site and only to this site. If a third party co-opts our dominance in this sphere, it could spill over into the wider Internet. There'd be outright panic, even open war. And none of us wants that. God knows none of us wants that.
I've been directed by Strategic Air Command to move us to Stage Three alert; all nuclear flight assets are to be primed and ready to go within fifteen minutes. As part of SAC's first strike group, we must be within enemy airspace with half an hour.
What's that Magilicutty?
Yes, we have Presidential authorization. Came over the horn at 0900. We're hot and authorized to launch following final confirmation.
Come again?
Yes, yes we're sure. We wouldn't be here by God if we weren't sure. Not a man here wanted this day to come, but it has. For the sakes of our children and our children's children, we can't affored to fail today. Ask yourselves: what kind of world do you want your boys and girls back home to grow up in? One where they speak Blogspotan, or Livejournalese? There's not really any choice here, gentlemen.
Anything else?
Go ahead, Lieutenant Carlisle.
No, as far we as we know, there's been no actual nuclear exchange or shots fired in anger at this point. All units will proceed to the fail safe point. If final authorization for go-ahead is not received, we'll turn right around.
Listen, we all hope we don't have to go through with it. This is the gravest responsibility any group of human beings has ever faced. But let me be frank gentlemen: it's not looking good. The President is going to be facing a lot of pressure from a lot of different directions to push the button. And when...if he does, we have to be ready to do our duty.
Our nation, and our people, expect no less of us. We've drilled this scenario a thousand times before. You're all well-trained, and you know what needs to be done. I have absolute faith in your abilities, come what may. May God be with us all, and if it is His will that we go to war today, may He in His infinite wisdom and power grant us swift victory.
Good hunting.
The lights please, Mary.
posted by Michael at 2:51 AM
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