Two Deep Insights Into Life
I don't often get deep insights into life, so imagine my surprise when I got not one but two in one day! That day was today, and I'm going to share with you my findings in the hopes that you too can benefit from these profound revelations about the human condition.
The first one you can experience for yourself. Just open up your favorite web browser (Firefox or go to hell), head on over to Google Image Search, turn off Safesearch (yes this revelation does involve looking at porn ((don't they all?))), and type in a woman's name. Go ahead. Any woman's name will do. Try Lucy, for example. What comes up? That's right: porn. It works for any woman's name! Samantha: Porn. Alexis: Porn. Mary: lesbian porn. Bea: porn. Patricia: porn. What does this mean? That all women are whores? Well yes they are, but this doesn't prove it. What it does prove is that all women are porn stars, which is not the same thing one bit. Well, except for Patricia, apparently. Helen, also, is not a porn star. But most women are porn stars. So says the internet. I for one approve of our nation's women choosing to enter the adult entertainment industry. Sure it's not always glitz and glamour, but it pays the bills, and it provides a useful service to millions of men everyday. Can you imagine a world without porn? I can, but I choose not to. It's dangerous to stare too long into that nighmarish abyss.
The second insight is even more earth shattering. Hold onto your butts, and make sure all heavy objects are bolted down, because I'm going to rock your stuffed shirt conformo world. For today, I discovered that that one guy on Full House was NOT played by Jeff Daniels! I know, right?! The part of Joey was played by...Dave Coulier. Or as I like to call him, Jeff Daniels Doppleganger Clone. How are these two not the same man? I drew a diagram to help illustrate my point:
There's really only one solution to this puzzle: the Illuminati, in conjunction with the Trilateral Commission and the Saucerpeople have concocted some kind of plot, a fiendish conspiracy, if you will, to flood the earth with Jeff Daniel clones, in the hopes of one day dominating the entertainment industry with the B+ List actor. All we can do is pray.
Hm, I guess that particular revelation wasn't about porn. Or was it?
I don't often get deep insights into life, so imagine my surprise when I got not one but two in one day! That day was today, and I'm going to share with you my findings in the hopes that you too can benefit from these profound revelations about the human condition.
The first one you can experience for yourself. Just open up your favorite web browser (Firefox or go to hell), head on over to Google Image Search, turn off Safesearch (yes this revelation does involve looking at porn ((don't they all?))), and type in a woman's name. Go ahead. Any woman's name will do. Try Lucy, for example. What comes up? That's right: porn. It works for any woman's name! Samantha: Porn. Alexis: Porn. Mary: lesbian porn. Bea: porn. Patricia: porn. What does this mean? That all women are whores? Well yes they are, but this doesn't prove it. What it does prove is that all women are porn stars, which is not the same thing one bit. Well, except for Patricia, apparently. Helen, also, is not a porn star. But most women are porn stars. So says the internet. I for one approve of our nation's women choosing to enter the adult entertainment industry. Sure it's not always glitz and glamour, but it pays the bills, and it provides a useful service to millions of men everyday. Can you imagine a world without porn? I can, but I choose not to. It's dangerous to stare too long into that nighmarish abyss.
The second insight is even more earth shattering. Hold onto your butts, and make sure all heavy objects are bolted down, because I'm going to rock your stuffed shirt conformo world. For today, I discovered that that one guy on Full House was NOT played by Jeff Daniels! I know, right?! The part of Joey was played by...Dave Coulier. Or as I like to call him, Jeff Daniels Doppleganger Clone. How are these two not the same man? I drew a diagram to help illustrate my point:
There's really only one solution to this puzzle: the Illuminati, in conjunction with the Trilateral Commission and the Saucerpeople have concocted some kind of plot, a fiendish conspiracy, if you will, to flood the earth with Jeff Daniel clones, in the hopes of one day dominating the entertainment industry with the B+ List actor. All we can do is pray.
Hm, I guess that particular revelation wasn't about porn. Or was it?
posted by Michael at 11:42 PM
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