The Wonderful World of Comic Strips
Consider, the comic strip. A rather innocuous component of popular culture. Most people don't spend very much of the day thinking about comic strips. I usually allocate 45 minutes tops. Oh, we're aware they exist all right. And maybe we occasionally crack open the Entertainment section of the newspaper and glance at the things. "Oho," we think, "that Garfield does love his lasagna!" And then we close the paper, reassured that no matter how crazy the world gets, that rat-bastard Garfield is still stealing John's lasagna or beating the crap out of Odie. And then he just sits there with that stupid self-satisfied smirk on his face. Garfield you sick son of a bitch I'll...
But I digress.
Dig a little deeper, and you'll discover that the world of comic strips is a Byzantine power game of money, sex, and lies that goes all the way to the highest levels in this country. The highest levels, gentlemen. Well, actually that's a lie. It's mostly a bunch of forty year old men desperately churning out canned crap that's about as inspired as the dump I took this afternoon. Actually that's a bad analogy because my craps tend to be pretty insightful. But you get the idea.
I decided to go through a few comics from the LA Times and provide some commentary, get to know the comic biz (that's what we call the industry), you know.
So first off, Family Circus.
Family Circus is certainly one of mankind's darkest creations, down there with Nazism, Stalinism, and Ted Turner. Ba-zing. Pretty much every comic features one of those hydracephalic brats saying something "cute." That's it. Every time it's the same garbage. I mean, if the kid says, "Hey, I gotta poop," that could be a comic. Or the wife saying, "Jesus Christ this family is suffocating me I've got to get out of here!" that would work too. They're like slices of life. It's not funny, it's not cute. It's just harrible. Harrible.
What's worse than the whitebread comics are the ethnic comics. Those damn uppity minorities like to combine a total lack of humor with political commentary about as deep as a kiddy pool.
For example, La Cucaracha:
Do you get the funny? Do you get the funny joke?! I haven't seen this topic beaten to death 50,000 times over. You see, you see because the media assumes BLACK people LOOT and WHITE people FIND. This is funny. This is original. I NEVER would have thought to turn it into a comic. Race relations are hilarious.
Or, Boondocks:
Ahhh, hurricane humor! What witty insight! You see, you see the Bush Administration CAUSED a lot of black people to die! That's not just funny, it's hilarious! And it's deep too. I NEVER would have suspected Bush was responsible for killing those people! Of course, the municipal and state governments are free from blame. You are witty, Aaron McGruder. You are so witty.
The only thing worse than liberal ethnic comics are Neanderthal conservative comics written by little white guys with various large objects in their anuses. You know they couldn't name a single Spice Girl if their lives depended on it.
Are you chortling, guffawing, or at the very least chuckling? I sure am. All three. That talking sin against nature, the anthropomorphic Mallard Fillmore, is at it again. Here, he absolutely skewers the Democratic Party by exposing that they're motivated by politics! It's unbelievable how he cuts to the heart of an issue. I bet the author of Mallard Fillmore masturbates to Mallard/Harry Potter slash. Well ok, I guess that is kind of hot.
Finally, the greatest mystery of all, 9 Chickweed Lane. This comic has been in the Times for as long as I can remember, and I still can't figure it out. I think it's an incredibly pretentious comic about young people at some kind of prepatory musical academy, but to be honest I'm not sure. Some of the strips seem to simply make no sense. Like Great Sphinx or the megaliths at Stonehenge, they defy human understanding. For For example, September 10, 2005:
What the hell?
Consider, the comic strip. A rather innocuous component of popular culture. Most people don't spend very much of the day thinking about comic strips. I usually allocate 45 minutes tops. Oh, we're aware they exist all right. And maybe we occasionally crack open the Entertainment section of the newspaper and glance at the things. "Oho," we think, "that Garfield does love his lasagna!" And then we close the paper, reassured that no matter how crazy the world gets, that rat-bastard Garfield is still stealing John's lasagna or beating the crap out of Odie. And then he just sits there with that stupid self-satisfied smirk on his face. Garfield you sick son of a bitch I'll...
But I digress.
Dig a little deeper, and you'll discover that the world of comic strips is a Byzantine power game of money, sex, and lies that goes all the way to the highest levels in this country. The highest levels, gentlemen. Well, actually that's a lie. It's mostly a bunch of forty year old men desperately churning out canned crap that's about as inspired as the dump I took this afternoon. Actually that's a bad analogy because my craps tend to be pretty insightful. But you get the idea.
I decided to go through a few comics from the LA Times and provide some commentary, get to know the comic biz (that's what we call the industry), you know.
So first off, Family Circus.
Family Circus is certainly one of mankind's darkest creations, down there with Nazism, Stalinism, and Ted Turner. Ba-zing. Pretty much every comic features one of those hydracephalic brats saying something "cute." That's it. Every time it's the same garbage. I mean, if the kid says, "Hey, I gotta poop," that could be a comic. Or the wife saying, "Jesus Christ this family is suffocating me I've got to get out of here!" that would work too. They're like slices of life. It's not funny, it's not cute. It's just harrible. Harrible.
What's worse than the whitebread comics are the ethnic comics. Those damn uppity minorities like to combine a total lack of humor with political commentary about as deep as a kiddy pool.
For example, La Cucaracha:
Do you get the funny? Do you get the funny joke?! I haven't seen this topic beaten to death 50,000 times over. You see, you see because the media assumes BLACK people LOOT and WHITE people FIND. This is funny. This is original. I NEVER would have thought to turn it into a comic. Race relations are hilarious.
Or, Boondocks:
Ahhh, hurricane humor! What witty insight! You see, you see the Bush Administration CAUSED a lot of black people to die! That's not just funny, it's hilarious! And it's deep too. I NEVER would have suspected Bush was responsible for killing those people! Of course, the municipal and state governments are free from blame. You are witty, Aaron McGruder. You are so witty.
The only thing worse than liberal ethnic comics are Neanderthal conservative comics written by little white guys with various large objects in their anuses. You know they couldn't name a single Spice Girl if their lives depended on it.
Are you chortling, guffawing, or at the very least chuckling? I sure am. All three. That talking sin against nature, the anthropomorphic Mallard Fillmore, is at it again. Here, he absolutely skewers the Democratic Party by exposing that they're motivated by politics! It's unbelievable how he cuts to the heart of an issue. I bet the author of Mallard Fillmore masturbates to Mallard/Harry Potter slash. Well ok, I guess that is kind of hot.
Finally, the greatest mystery of all, 9 Chickweed Lane. This comic has been in the Times for as long as I can remember, and I still can't figure it out. I think it's an incredibly pretentious comic about young people at some kind of prepatory musical academy, but to be honest I'm not sure. Some of the strips seem to simply make no sense. Like Great Sphinx or the megaliths at Stonehenge, they defy human understanding. For For example, September 10, 2005:
What the hell?
posted by Michael at 10:00 PM
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