Life doesn't make sense
I was spellchecking my blog the other day, and I realized the spellcheck doesn't have the word "blogs" in its spellchecker database.
Did you ever realize that life just doesn't make any sense? That everything that's happening is just absolutely batshit insane? There's a very, very thin veneer of sanity, a saran wrap membrane of reason stretched taut over a 3 day old pasta of madness and chaos. All it takes it the tiniest pinprick to pierce that seal and let the infinite delirium out. And when it does get out, there's no putting the genie back in the bottle. That toothpaste ain't going back in the tube. That cat is out of the bag and it it's not eager to return. The poop is in the toilet and it's there to stay. Well, you get the idea. Once you've seen the truth in all its unfettered beauty/terror there's no going back.
Why did they choose not to put the plural form of blog in the spellchecker? I'm pretty sure the singular is in there, so why leave the plural out? Where does the spellchecker database come from anyway? It also doesn't have "snot" or "Edward James Olmos" in it, so it's clearly not comprehensive. Well it has Edward and James, but not Olmos. And without the Olmos you really have a pretty generic sounding name. James Edward. Or Edward James. Either way it's not really remarkable. But with the Olmos, boy-howdy you immediately think of the acne-scarred pit faced actor who starred in such notable films as Blade Runner, and...
I think I'm in man-love with Edward James Olmos.
In other news, and getting back to the madness theme, I realized that I have something in common with dogs. Well, one very particular dog, anyway. Rusty the dachshund. No we don't both eat our own vomit.
Ok we both do, but that's not what I was thinking of. What Rusty and I have in common is an inability to focus. You see, Rusty has narcolepsy.
Rusty is a narcoleptic dog.
He falls asleep when he's TRYING TO DO OTHER THINGS.
(He must be a Mexican immigrant). (Ba-zing).
This is my life writ dog! I pretty much would rather sleep than do anything else. Certainly, my laziness has essentially prevented me from accomplishing anything meaningful in my life. Go eat grass? No thank you, I think I'll just lay down. Romp around in a field? No, I'd really rather take a nice nap. Smell my own butt? Nighty night.
So, I guess in one sense, Rusty is living the American dream. In another sense, his life is a waking nightmare of conscious nightmares.
Godspeed Rusty the Narcoleptic Dog. You are an un-inspiration to us all.
What kind of blind idiot God would create a world with narcoleptic dogs and blogs-less spellcheckers? I don't know the answer to that question, little Billy. All I know for sure is, we're in this together, and if we're to be saved, we're going to have to save ourselves.
Except the Mexicans they just eat beans all day.
I kid. But seriously, narcolepsy is a serious medical condition. I think Harriet Tubman had it. Or was it Rosa Parks. Well they were pretty much the same person.
I was spellchecking my blog the other day, and I realized the spellcheck doesn't have the word "blogs" in its spellchecker database.
Did you ever realize that life just doesn't make any sense? That everything that's happening is just absolutely batshit insane? There's a very, very thin veneer of sanity, a saran wrap membrane of reason stretched taut over a 3 day old pasta of madness and chaos. All it takes it the tiniest pinprick to pierce that seal and let the infinite delirium out. And when it does get out, there's no putting the genie back in the bottle. That toothpaste ain't going back in the tube. That cat is out of the bag and it it's not eager to return. The poop is in the toilet and it's there to stay. Well, you get the idea. Once you've seen the truth in all its unfettered beauty/terror there's no going back.
Why did they choose not to put the plural form of blog in the spellchecker? I'm pretty sure the singular is in there, so why leave the plural out? Where does the spellchecker database come from anyway? It also doesn't have "snot" or "Edward James Olmos" in it, so it's clearly not comprehensive. Well it has Edward and James, but not Olmos. And without the Olmos you really have a pretty generic sounding name. James Edward. Or Edward James. Either way it's not really remarkable. But with the Olmos, boy-howdy you immediately think of the acne-scarred pit faced actor who starred in such notable films as Blade Runner, and...
I think I'm in man-love with Edward James Olmos.
In other news, and getting back to the madness theme, I realized that I have something in common with dogs. Well, one very particular dog, anyway. Rusty the dachshund. No we don't both eat our own vomit.
Ok we both do, but that's not what I was thinking of. What Rusty and I have in common is an inability to focus. You see, Rusty has narcolepsy.
Rusty is a narcoleptic dog.
He falls asleep when he's TRYING TO DO OTHER THINGS.
(He must be a Mexican immigrant). (Ba-zing).
This is my life writ dog! I pretty much would rather sleep than do anything else. Certainly, my laziness has essentially prevented me from accomplishing anything meaningful in my life. Go eat grass? No thank you, I think I'll just lay down. Romp around in a field? No, I'd really rather take a nice nap. Smell my own butt? Nighty night.
So, I guess in one sense, Rusty is living the American dream. In another sense, his life is a waking nightmare of conscious nightmares.
Godspeed Rusty the Narcoleptic Dog. You are an un-inspiration to us all.
What kind of blind idiot God would create a world with narcoleptic dogs and blogs-less spellcheckers? I don't know the answer to that question, little Billy. All I know for sure is, we're in this together, and if we're to be saved, we're going to have to save ourselves.
Except the Mexicans they just eat beans all day.
I kid. But seriously, narcolepsy is a serious medical condition. I think Harriet Tubman had it. Or was it Rosa Parks. Well they were pretty much the same person.
posted by Michael at 11:08 PM
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